North v. South

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We have stated before that football in the South is more like a religion than just a game.  There are some major differences between the atmosphere surrounding a Saturday in the South and a Saturday in  other parts of the country.  The following are just a few of the differences....

Women's Accessories

North: Chap-Stick in back pocket and $20 bill in the front pocket

South: Longchamp purse with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon.  Money not necessary - that's what dates are for

Stadium Size

North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people

South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people

Fathers

North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath

South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference

Campus Decor

North: Statues of founding fathers

South: Statues of Heisman trophy winners

Homecoming Queen

North: Also a physics major

South: Also Miss America

Heroes

North: Rudy Giuliani

South: The Manning Family, Bear Bryant, Steve Spurrier, and Hershel Wakler

Getting Tickets

North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus

South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game

North: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday

South: Teacher cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking

North: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking

South: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities.  The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Gameday

North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV

South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPn is broadcasting "GameDay Live" to get on camera and wave tot the idiots up north who wonder why "GameDay Live" is never broadcast from their campus

Tailgating

North: Raw meat on grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.

Getting to the Stadium

North: You ask "Where's the stadium?"  When you find it, you walk right in.

South: When you're near it, you'll hear it.  On gameday it is the state's third largest city.

Concessions

North: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled tot he top with soda

South: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with coke, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When the National anthem is Played

North: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up

South: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect harmony

The Smell in the Air After the First Score

North: Nothing changes

South: Fireworks, Gunpowder (from the cannon in the end zone), with a touch of bourbon

Commentary (Male)

North: "Nice play."

South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female)

North: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers

North: Neutral and paid

South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team

After the Game

North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends

South: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game

Disclaimer: We post this in pure fun and innocence.  We in no way mean to offend anyone.

Are there any other differences between Southern football and football in other parts of the country?