Wednesday, August 24, 2011

North v. South

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We have stated before that football in the South is more like a religion than just a game.  There are some major differences between the atmosphere surrounding a Saturday in the South and a Saturday in  other parts of the country.  The following are just a few of the differences....

Women's Accessories
North: Chap-Stick in back pocket and $20 bill in the front pocket
South: Longchamp purse with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon.  Money not necessary - that's what dates are for

Stadium Size
North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people
South: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people

Fathers
North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference

Campus Decor
North: Statues of founding fathers
South: Statues of Heisman trophy winners

Homecoming Queen
North: Also a physics major
South: Also Miss America

Heroes
North: Rudy Giuliani
South: The Manning Family, Bear Bryant, Steve Spurrier, and Hershel Wakler

Getting Tickets
North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus
South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting list for tickets

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
North: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday
South: Teacher cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

Parking
North: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking
South: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities.  The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Gameday
North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV
South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPn is broadcasting "GameDay Live" to get on camera and wave tot the idiots up north who wonder why "GameDay Live" is never broadcast from their campus

Tailgating
North: Raw meat on grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.

Getting to the Stadium
North: You ask "Where's the stadium?"  When you find it, you walk right in.
South: When you're near it, you'll hear it.  On gameday it is the state's third largest city.

Concessions
North: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled tot he top with soda
South: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with coke, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When the National anthem is Played
North: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up
South: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect harmony

The Smell in the Air After the First Score
North: Nothing changes
South: Fireworks, Gunpowder (from the cannon in the end zone), with a touch of bourbon

Commentary (Male)
North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female)
North: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."

Announcers
North: Neutral and paid
South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team

After the Game
North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends
South: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game

Disclaimer: We post this in pure fun and innocence.  We in no way mean to offend anyone.

Are there any other differences between Southern football and football in other parts of the country?

5 comments:

Clare said...

While your description of Southern football is spot-on (Go Cocks!), as a Notre Dame alum and "til the day I die" football fan, we Northerners love our football just as much!!

Lauren H. Edmondson said...

Love, love, love. ECU vs. USC next weekend is Charlotte is going to be so crazy since we have TWO big-time tailgating, southern teams playing. Game isn't until 7... so that means it's probably going to be a sh*t-show.

Jes said...

This is perfect. Football at OU, OK State and Texas is surprisingly similar, but not quite as good as SEC football, granted, I'm biased. Go Cocks//Boomer Sooner!

Sarah Elizabeth said...

ahhhhh this just made me so much more excited for football season!

Turtles and Pearls said...

I love this! SO true. We're not even good at football, and it is still religion here!

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